Stories tagged humour

"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."

"The human world... It's a mess. (From The Little Mermaid)"

"A man’s true character comes out when he is drunk."

"If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack."

"Cats and very independent animals. They're very sexy, if you want. Dogs are different. They're familiar. They're obedient. You call a cat, you go, "Cat, come here." He doesn't come to you unless you have something in your hand that he things might be food. They're very free animals and I like that."

"If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses."

"When kids hit one year old, it's like hanging out with a miniature drunk. You have to hold onto them. They bump into things. They laugh and cry. They urinate. They vomit."

"I have found little that is ‘good’ about human beings on the whole. In my experience most of them are trash, no matter whether they publicly subscribe to this or that ethical doctrine or to none at all. That is something that you cannot say aloud, or perhaps even think."

"The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog."